Humbled

I have days where I'm tired of hanging in there.  Sick of pretending everything is easy.  Overwhelmed with the small amounts of time I have with my children.  The fail of another date night.  The miscommunication for the 10th time this week, a late night at work, This working mom thing is not as easy as we make it look.  I always feel this way, but I usually hide it better.

I usually hide it better than this.  I got out of my car, holding back the tears.  Talking about the mundane, pushing the feelings away.  Weepy eyes.  Weepy mommy eyes.  Weepy human eyes.  I started out the day avoiding conversations of anything real, and desperately irritated with my students, who were just happy it was Friday, doing silly things. 

Superwoman isn't here today, guys.  Just me, epic fail.  Trying to get a clear view. 

I woke Nola up when I got home, she always goes to bed like clock work.  I made it home a few minutes late, but I needed to smell her, hear her... feel her little body in my arms.  Daddy was doing laundry, and Nate was running around with two shirts on and no bottoms, no diaper, nothing.  He climbed into the rocking chair with us.  And he started to sing, Jesus Loves Me.  Nola began to hum along.  I breathed it all in.  Listening to them hum together a song I have sung since they were tiny bundles.  Then I started singing, and together we rocked.  Back and forth.  I used to wonder how any baby could stay awake when in the rocking chair, Nate always could.  The sway of the soft chair, would always take me away. 

Ten minutes, my arms were full, Jesus Loves Me, this I know. For the bible tells me so.  Little ones to Him belong.  They are weak, but He is strong.

I will forever cherish these breaths of life.  These sweet, precious memories, when my arms are full, and my heart is heavy. 

12-14-12 Will never be the same for teachers and parents in the community of the elementary school in Connecticut.  They will be praying to remember these types of memories.  I am humbled that although I struggle daily with carrying more than I can handle, with a brick of heart, and rain drops filling my eyes.  We are still creating breaths of life.  Living them in full.  Taking all the new and the old in.  Holding it dear. 

Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. Tell them everything you always wish you had said.  How special they are to you.   Look them in face, feel their heartbeat, embrace uncomfortable.  You may not have it tomorrow.