NamelyCourtney: Holidays

This morning the windshield guy woke me up early, so here I am after attempting to fall back asleep, on myspace.com checking my page. I have a subscription to my friend bridgit's blog, and I was so excited to see a new post. She is in that college kid phase of life right now, still surveying her surroundings, what goes where, what works when... and this was the end to her New Years blog post... "i've had so many people go out of their way to help me when i was feeling down this semester... i know now that i can and want to be that for others. and i just have one more thing to do. before the year is over, i don't want a kiss at midnight. i don't want anything but forgiveness. and i want to thank and praise Him for such a blessed life, all as the ball drops on new year's day." I adore these words, things that spur us on to be better people, better humans, better friends. Honesty starts with yourself. This is something that I've really struggled with this year. In this quote Brij is so honest. Admitting no need to the stereotypical kiss at midnight, that we all want, that as children watching the ball drop on TV, we wondered about. Holidays are fun, but never all that you want them to be. They always leave you weighing on your heart, leave you wondering if you made the most of it this year. Yesterday at church, Pastor Brown was saying that we will love and hate the bible, we will love and hate Jesus. Because Jesus, the truth, is hard. He will require us to do many things, and these things will not be easy. If Jesus was hanging out with you, he would always be the friend to ask you the tough questions, all the time, even while you were watching the football game together. Courtney, do you love me? I want to want what Brij wants. Forgiveness. Its a word we don't really like, because its hard.
Its not a fun word, but it has so much meaning:
1.to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.
2.to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).
3.to grant pardon to (a person).
4.to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.
5.to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan. –verb (used without object)
6.to pardon an offense or an offender.

Requesting forgiveness pushes you to admit openly that you are the offender, the one who screwed up. Then it actively moves to make you beg, hope, wish that your offense, your sin, your mistake, will be washed away. We can feel guilty afterwards, that we had to be the one begging. But with the Lord, forgiveness is the only way. He can wipe your slate clean. Allow you to start over fresh, no guilt. What a reason to rejoice!! So what are you going to want when the ball drops? Will it be forgiveness? Will it be a clean slate? Maybe it will be the little things like focus, a cleaner house, getting your homework done. It could be a big thing too, like mine, weight loss. Whatever it is, start with honesty and truthfulness to yourself. Admitting when you mess up, when you make mistakes, when you hurt the people you love. I believe that being able to apologize is the most important thing in life. It allowes for us to start over.

There are not words to explain how happy I am to be home right now. Last Friday we left at 10 pm and began our 12 hour drive to Sodus, NY. Terrance's home town, the humble abode that he was raised in. We drove with Valerie (T's mom) and Maurice (T's brother). She didn't get off of work when she said she would... in reality she got off of work 5 hours later, and then picked up the smallest SUV in the whole world, and drove 2 hours from SC to our house. This is how my "vacation" began. Late, annoying, in a hurry, rushed, worried, tired, irritated... Christmas cheer if you know what I mean. But we left, and we only stopped three times that night until we arrived in Sodus on Saturday morning at 10 am. I spent that day nursing my flu filled husband. We always seem to get sick when we're resting... and he had the chills and everything. No worries though, he slept and overdosed on NyQuil, Theraflu, Airborne, and Robitussin... and kicked it by Sunday. We did the family thing Christmas Eve at Amy and Tony's apartment (they used to live with us). It was really nice. Christmas day was really hard, a lot harder than I had imagined it would be. In 27 years of being alive, I have always been with my family on Christmas Day. Always. I knew it would come one day, that I would have to spend my Christmas with my in laws, and I was totally fine with it. Actually, I was excited to be in the cold, snow for Christmas and do something new. However, when I was making all my Christmas Day phone calls, it hit me like a load of bricks. I'm not there. I'm not in Charleston. I'm not there. My first phone call was to my Grandma E. My mom's mom. My favorite. I'm her little red, I have been since I was born, and here she was on the phone miles away, telling me that she loved me, that they had had a wonderful Christmas Eve, that they couldn't help but talk about my grandfather, my poppy. Unexpected... not ready for that one, the tears started. She was sharing with me how much he loved me, and how proud he would be of me, and how she still watches the video of his funeral service in which I read a poem. We talked for about thirty minutes... it is now another good memory to have. I love my Grandma. Things have been so different since I got married. Unfortunately she has a problem with other skin colors, but maybe we've moved on. It's a phone call I'll never forget. I had to wait until the afternoon to call my mom though. I didn't want to start crying again. Christmas Day was hard, sad, and a new beginning. I think I have a new appreciation for my own family and their traditions, even though its not always spectacular, there is just something about the familiarity of it all. Life went on though, I sucked it up. Open to new things, welcoming the newness as much as possible. We drove around, and saw lots of people, lots of malls. We were in Rochester, Syracuse, and a lot of other small towns in between. Thursday morning came, and I was SO ready. North Carolina, here I come. We smashed ourselves back into the Jeep something... and hit the road at 5:30 am. It was a long and annoying drive home. Terrance and his mom bicker the whole time. If they aren't bickering then she is telling him how to drive, when to slow down, when to change lanes. Or he is telling her to pay attention to the GPS system and not ask questions. We listened to at LEAST 12 hours of gospel music... our favorite. I suffered through it, reminding myself that she probably wasn't enjoying Terrance's R&B and constant changing of the radio stations. Lucky for me when we got home, she and Maurice stayed the night. Although it was probably the best, she tends to get lost anywhere she goes. I don't talk about Maurice a lot, because he doesn't talk. NEVER talks... he barely even laughs. So its not that I don't like him, its just that he is freakishly quiet. Below are the pictures of the trip and when we got home. Home Sweet Home...

PS.... I did pretty well with staying on top of my "diet". Still 179 lbs. so I didn't gain any weight. I didn't drink a lot of soda, and I didn't eat allot of carbs, but they don't' eat fresh veggies, and I was dying for a salad when I got home!!!

PPS.... Thank to Andrea for complimenting me on my blog. I really appreciate your thoughts, and I look forward to reading your blog!! Give Carrie, Alanah, & Mia a hug for Terrance & I.