This morning the windshield guy woke me up early, so here I am after attempting to fall back asleep, on myspace.com checking my page. I have a subscription to my friend bridgit's blog, and I was so excited to see a new post. She is in that college kid phase of life right now, still surveying her surroundings, what goes where, what works when... and this was the end to her New Years blog post... "i've had so many people go out of their way to help me when i was feeling down this semester... i know now that i can and want to be that for others. and i just have one more thing to do. before the year is over, i don't want a kiss at midnight. i don't want anything but forgiveness. and i want to thank and praise Him for such a blessed life, all as the ball drops on new year's day." I adore these words, things that spur us on to be better people, better humans, better friends. Honesty starts with yourself. This is something that I've really struggled with this year. In this quote Brij is so honest. Admitting no need to the stereotypical kiss at midnight, that we all want, that as children watching the ball drop on TV, we wondered about. Holidays are fun, but never all that you want them to be. They always leave you weighing on your heart, leave you wondering if you made the most of it this year. Yesterday at church, Pastor Brown was saying that we will love and hate the bible, we will love and hate Jesus. Because Jesus, the truth, is hard. He will require us to do many things, and these things will not be easy. If Jesus was hanging out with you, he would always be the friend to ask you the tough questions, all the time, even while you were watching the football game together. Courtney, do you love me? I want to want what Brij wants. Forgiveness. Its a word we don't really like, because its hard.
Its not a fun word, but it has so much meaning:
1.to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.
2.to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).
3.to grant pardon to (a person).
4.to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.
5.to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan. –verb (used without object)
6.to pardon an offense or an offender.
Requesting forgiveness pushes you to admit openly that you are the offender, the one who screwed up. Then it actively moves to make you beg, hope, wish that your offense, your sin, your mistake, will be washed away. We can feel guilty afterwards, that we had to be the one begging. But with the Lord, forgiveness is the only way. He can wipe your slate clean. Allow you to start over fresh, no guilt. What a reason to rejoice!! So what are you going to want when the ball drops? Will it be forgiveness? Will it be a clean slate? Maybe it will be the little things like focus, a cleaner house, getting your homework done. It could be a big thing too, like mine, weight loss. Whatever it is, start with honesty and truthfulness to yourself. Admitting when you mess up, when you make mistakes, when you hurt the people you love. I believe that being able to apologize is the most important thing in life. It allowes for us to start over.