The hardest part of having a newborn, strangely enough is not the newborn. I was surprised. I knew many years ago that when I became a mom, it wouldn't be hard for me. I would be a natural, and I was right. God has truly blessed me with the ease and love that He knew I would need to make my heart, body and soul available 24/7. The hardest part of these 2 months has been the adjustment of my marriage. Conversations are more serious. Time is more precious. Laughter is more joyous. Stress is more stressful. All because another life is involved, other person's future is being thought for, and we want to make sure that we are being the best parents that we can be. Our faults are blatantly obvious to each other,making it even harder to say the kindest of words. I have realized the dire need that I have for affirmation, that when you come home and I'm still in my pj's, you love me and are proud of me. When there are still dishes in the sink, you love me. When I get some food on the table, you love me. When I take a shower, and I'm clean, you love me. When our baby is clean, happy, and fed, you love me still. When we are all sleeping soundly and safely, you love me. When the dogs were taken out, and groceries purchased- You. love. me. Simple things make a huge difference for me. I need to know that I am loved, that someone is proud of my hard work. My life has changed drastically in 6 weeks. From teacher to mom- I'm on call 24/7 right now. I don't get to leave my work at school anymore. And I love it.
I have had to say that this is a need that I have out loud, and be honest with my husband out about these needs. I know people cannot read minds, but I wish sometimes they could. I have tried patience, maybe he will see my needs. But that doesn't work, you may have to set aside time and your desires that he will just know, and put it all out there on the table. Its the hardest part.
Getting through is wonderful. Relief and overflow of honesty. I felt so disconnected from my husband after my 9 months of pregnancy and taking care of Nate. Physically and mentally far away. Feeling like we weren't on the same page, because we're too overwhelmed and exhausted to talk about all the of the junk and all of the feelings. Although I will always need to be told that I am loved and that the love of my life is thankful for me, when I put my needs into words the connection is reestablished. Our pages meet. Our bodies can grab hold of each other again. We will always have hard times, that are even harder now because our little one depends on us for life. The more honest we are, I am, the smoother the ride, and our pages will become books that unite.