Thursday, February 28, 2008
Jealousy
I think this is one of my major flaws. Being jealous, or getting jealous. I know its stupid. I know my friends love me. But I still doubt it. Especially if I see events that I wasn't invited to. Work, personal whatever it is, it has been an issue in my life since I was a teenager. I feel guilty that I feel jealous, and dumb as well. I guess it stems from feeling left out. It hurts to see pics or know there was a party and think that you would have liked to of been there, but you weren't invited. And in the real world, where I'm stopping such nonsense, I know that I can't be invited to everything, nor should I. I know that I'm guilty of not inviting everyone I know when I go somewhere or do something, its quite juvenile when you think about it. None the less I still get this way at the age of 27, I don't think its going anywhere either. Although my friends may not know this, I feel truly flattered when they invite me to do anything. It is an honor to have friends that are all so unique and enjoyable to be with.
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2 comments:
court-
i don't think that you're stupid for feeling jealous, though I know that feeling this way is hard because it pokes the longing in all of us to feel valued, chosen, and preferred. These are good longings...longings that God has in our relationship with us andis therefore also a part of our dignity.
I have gone some ugly places in my head as a result of comparing myself to other women. It is hard to not go there when you are hurt or disappointed about being left out. My own jealousy has pointed me to my desire for "more"...in my relationship with God and in my relationships with other people. I've realized that wanting this is a good thing, however, I've also realized that it can be really scary to actually put that desire out there, and when I don't, it turns into contempt both towards myself and other people. I would encourage you to not dismiss your jealousy as just a stupid character flaw, but to pursue what longings are beneath the jealousy, and what God might have for you there.
Thanks for being so vulnerable with this post. You are not alone here.
My mentor Tracy wrote a post on some of these thoughts the other week and thought you may like to check it out...
http://tracyawesome.typepad.com/my_weblog/2008/02/comparison-and.html
It's weird to have those feelings rush up and smack me in the face. I feel like I'm still in elementary school or high school even. I just wonder sometimes, if some of my friendshipss are one sided and I don't know it yet. Insecurities are always haunting me, most of the time I'm okay. But knowing that the Lord has blessed me with so many people in my life is great! Thanks Lib, great blog link too. Miss you.
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