Tuesday, December 18, 2007

How did this happen?

I know that you may be curious as to what types of things or lack of things proceeded the past two/three years of weight gain. I'm guessing that I have gained about 25-30lbs in the past three years. I feel as though I have always been a curvier body shape than everyone else, especially in my family, and I after my grandmother patted my knee one Christmas, "this is our chubby one", I've deemed myself as big, chubby, fat. Whatever! Since I've always seen myself as overweight, when I really started to gain weight it was hard for me to see. I started working full time three full years ago, and my schedule changed, life changed, my emotions were really involved that first year of teaching. I also started having hypothyroidism symptoms, but didn't know it. I met Terrance, planned a wedding and moved to the boring town of Kannapolis. Far away from friends, with a husband that works constantly and no church, & still thyroid issues, but didn't know yet... oh did I mention I started birth control... my weight ballooned, sizes went up... I chalked it up to the life changes that I had gone through, and thought it would just go away. Now here I am, 179, I can finally, truly see it, in my face, and body. The bra size is ridiculous, don't get me wrong, as my friends can attest, I've always been well endowed, but its too much now. And, I think I'm ready. No more birth control with any extra hormones that cause weight gain, and my thyroid is under control. I feel like a normal person again. I'm excited to lose this extra stuff and feel better about myself! We can move forward now that we know what happened in the past. I think I'm finally excepting that I was never overweight before, everyone else was just REALLY skinny and obsessed. Thanks for all your encouragement. I'm glad that I have you guys by my side!!


Libba Lemon said...

I'm so excited for you! I can see healing and change already. I love that you're digging deeper and not just working on the numbers. THAT is what produces long-term change.

Our stories are really similar. I always felt heavy in high school & college, even though I was technically "normal weight" - so when the extra pounds came on, it hardly caught my attention because the way I viewed myself was already distorted.

I can't remember where this quote came from but it's always in my head - "When you judge yourself, you judge us all." Having friends that aren't overly critical of themselves is so important. People that are more secure in themselves will support you well and add to your security.

Since this has already gotten really long, I'll add one more thing: you're going to succeed. No more hormones, no more thyroid problems, a supportive husband who would adore you forever if you stayed at 179, friends who aren't "obsessed" and want you to be balanced, not skinny...everything is working together in your favor and you are absolutely going to succeed.

Thanks for letting us join you in this journey!

Laura Ashley said...

Wow, Courtney I admire you so much. I think it is so awesome that you are writing about all this on here. I think writing is a great outlet. You can do it!

Courtney & Terrance said...

I am not afraid, I was born to do this... fits everything that we're trying to accomplish... as humans, as women as friends... thank you so much lib for the LONG thoughts... I adore and MISS hearing them and listening to you... laura... thank you so much for reading and keeping up with this blog... you are such a beautiful person, I look forward to many more chats with you!!