A Damn Food Journal

I hate counting calories, keeping track of points, being insanely aware of what I eat or drink. I hate the nagging, vexation of a food journal. Who really wants to keep a detailed account of every nutrients that goes into their body. Not me, but I am anyways. I'm hoping it will help me focus on losing the pounds that I want to, since I've been stuck. My walking partner and I are up to 4 miles in 1 hour right now. We start running tomorrow. I have lost inches, but I need to measure myself for comparisons. Anyways, the things we do to better ourselves are sometimes annoying aren't they? I'm sure there are a lot more ridiculous things out there, but I can't handle them. So food journal, if you are listening, I don't like you but you will be a means to an end. I will do my best just like flossing my teeth (which has been great, I've only forgotten two days!). So we'll see, f.j. how far this goes.

check me out...

171

What a relief, I have not gone backwards!! This week has actually been easier than I thought it would be. Here's what it looked like:

Monday- 5:45 am get up and run CHECK
get home lift weights with Terrance CHECK
Tuesday- 5:45 am get up and run CHECK
get home lift weights with Terrance CHECK
Wednesday- Staff Meeting early... no running
get home lift legs... ugh CHECK
Thursday- Day OFF
Friday- 5:45 am get up and run CHECK
Saturday- Terrance's birthday and weigh in
Sunday- Run and work on Boards

Add to that 1500 calorie diet this week and you get a 3lb weight loss.

It has been so exillerating to see the scale going down. I just want to keep going!!

Be Proud

Hi All,
So yesterday I had some Oreos, not just two either... I'm writing about it just because it helps me be honest with myself, so please do not think that I'm being hard on myself... cause I'm not!!! I'm a realist!! Anyways, today, at lunch, our principal comes into the break room and on the table right in front of me, he lays out two fresh boxes of Duncan Donuts... An assortment of delicious, melt in your mouth, chocolate with m&m's, jelly filled, you name it, it was there. RIGHT in my face... and I didn't take one!!! I even helped a friend of mine NOT eat one!!! It was great!!! Especially on a rainy day, when I have no help, and I'm alone, I could have cheered up myself with a nice little 1000 calorie treat, but I didn't. Self-control, a-ha!

Home Sweet Home

There are not words to explain how happy I am to be home right now. Last Friday we left at 10 pm and began our 12 hour drive to Sodus, NY. Terrance's home town, the humble abode that he was raised in. We drove with Valerie (T's mom) and Maurice (T's brother). She didn't get off of work when she said she would... in reality she got off of work 5 hours later, and then picked up the smallest SUV in the whole world, and drove 2 hours from SC to our house. This is how my "vacation" began. Late, annoying, in a hurry, rushed, worried, tired, irritated... Christmas cheer if you know what I mean. But we left, and we only stopped three times that night until we arrived in Sodus on Saturday morning at 10 am. I spent that day nursing my flu filled husband. We always seem to get sick when we're resting... and he had the chills and everything. No worries though, he slept and overdosed on NyQuil, Theraflu, Airborne, and Robitussin... and kicked it by Sunday. We did the family thing Christmas Eve at Amy and Tony's apartment (they used to live with us). It was really nice. Christmas day was really hard, a lot harder than I had imagined it would be. In 27 years of being alive, I have always been with my family on Christmas Day. Always. I knew it would come one day, that I would have to spend my Christmas with my in laws, and I was totally fine with it. Actually, I was excited to be in the cold, snow for Christmas and do something new. However, when I was making all my Christmas Day phone calls, it hit me like a load of bricks. I'm not there. I'm not in Charleston. I'm not there. My first phone call was to my Grandma E. My mom's mom. My favorite. I'm her little red, I have been since I was born, and here she was on the phone miles away, telling me that she loved me, that they had had a wonderful Christmas Eve, that they couldn't help but talk about my grandfather, my poppy. Unexpected... not ready for that one, the tears started. She was sharing with me how much he loved me, and how proud he would be of me, and how she still watches the video of his funeral service in which I read a poem. We talked for about thirty minutes... it is now another good memory to have. I love my Grandma. Things have been so different since I got married. Unfortunately she has a problem with other skin colors, but maybe we've moved on. It's a phone call I'll never forget. I had to wait until the afternoon to call my mom though. I didn't want to start crying again. Christmas Day was hard, sad, and a new beginning. I think I have a new appreciation for my own family and their traditions, even though its not always spectacular, there is just something about the familiarity of it all. Life went on though, I sucked it up. Open to new things, welcoming the newness as much as possible. We drove around, and saw lots of people, lots of malls. We were in Rochester, Syracuse, and a lot of other small towns in between. Thursday morning came, and I was SO ready. North Carolina, here I come. We smashed ourselves back into the Jeep something... and hit the road at 5:30 am. It was a long and annoying drive home. Terrance and his mom bicker the whole time. If they aren't bickering then she is telling him how to drive, when to slow down, when to change lanes. Or he is telling her to pay attention to the GPS system and not ask questions. We listened to at LEAST 12 hours of gospel music... our favorite. I suffered through it, reminding myself that she probably wasn't enjoying Terrance's R&B and constant changing of the radio stations. Lucky for me when we got home, she and Maurice stayed the night. Although it was probably the best, she tends to get lost anywhere she goes. I don't talk about Maurice a lot, because he doesn't talk. NEVER talks... he barely even laughs. So its not that I don't like him, its just that he is freakishly quiet. Below are the pictures of the trip and when we got home. Home Sweet Home...

PS.... I did pretty well with staying on top of my "diet". Still 179 lbs. so I didn't gain any weight. I didn't drink a lot of soda, and I didn't eat allot of carbs, but they don't' eat fresh veggies, and I was dying for a salad when I got home!!!

PPS.... Thank to Andrea for complimenting me on my blog. I really appreciate your thoughts, and I look forward to reading your blog!! Give Carrie, Alanah, & Mia a hug for Terrance & I.

Everyone hanging out, Christmas EVE.

Devin Crawford, Tony's youngest son.Jordan and Tony. Father & Son. Terrance's uncle and cousin.

Terrance & I at my parents house.

Parker was so glad when Ray got home this morning! He was sleeping in Ray's bed.
Ray was worn out from the Dog Park.
Sleeping together under the Christmas Tree, before I took it down today!!!
The tree... :)
My cutie!

Terrance with his newest cousin, Jaden, on Christmas Eve. That is Jaden's mom in the back. Charlene, Terrance's aunt.
Christmas Eve, He is too cute with this baby... hmmm? Not yet!!
Terrance holding Jaden still. Me- getting my gear on for the cold.
Syracuse, NY- Ice Skating Rink, We saw this when we went to Dinosaur BBQ to eat. It's the best place EVER~
Syracuse, NY
Terrance!!! My LOVE!

How did this happen?

I know that you may be curious as to what types of things or lack of things proceeded the past two/three years of weight gain. I'm guessing that I have gained about 25-30lbs in the past three years. I feel as though I have always been a curvier body shape than everyone else, especially in my family, and I after my grandmother patted my knee one Christmas, "this is our chubby one", I've deemed myself as big, chubby, fat. Whatever! Since I've always seen myself as overweight, when I really started to gain weight it was hard for me to see. I started working full time three full years ago, and my schedule changed, life changed, my emotions were really involved that first year of teaching. I also started having hypothyroidism symptoms, but didn't know it. I met Terrance, planned a wedding and moved to the boring town of Kannapolis. Far away from friends, with a husband that works constantly and no church, & still thyroid issues, but didn't know yet... oh did I mention I started birth control... my weight ballooned, sizes went up... I chalked it up to the life changes that I had gone through, and thought it would just go away. Now here I am, 179, I can finally, truly see it, in my face, and body. The bra size is ridiculous, don't get me wrong, as my friends can attest, I've always been well endowed, but its too much now. And, I think I'm ready. No more birth control with any extra hormones that cause weight gain, and my thyroid is under control. I feel like a normal person again. I'm excited to lose this extra stuff and feel better about myself! We can move forward now that we know what happened in the past. I think I'm finally excepting that I was never overweight before, everyone else was just REALLY skinny and obsessed. Thanks for all your encouragement. I'm glad that I have you guys by my side!!

179

Okay, I'm doing something that I've never done before. Sharing one of my biggest desires, and struggles with everyone... well everyone who reads my blog. We always attempt to have a New Year's resolution, but this year, I'm going to really stick to mine. I am going to lose weight. And I'm doing it differently this year. I'm going to write about it. Weigh in, and write about it. Write about the excitement, and the frustrations... Its totally different for me, sharing the truths of my heart only occur with certain people, and even then it can be guarded. I don't want that now though, I think that if I'm going to really lose this weight, then I have to let it all hang out... for lack of better words. 179 lbs according to my scale, for a 5'3 woman, age 27. I've never weighed this much before. I don't want to gain any more weight. So here is what is going to change. I'm going to be completely honest about what I'm doing here... I'm going to keep track of what I'm eating, and be sure to exercise every day, or at least 4 times a week. I'm going to write about it, at least once a week. My biggest desire right now is to lose 20 lbs. Go from a size 12/14 to a 8/10. To not always feel self-conscious. To feel sexy to my husband, and to be able have fun when I shop for clothes to fit me. To wear a smaller bra. To get better at yoga.

I'm excited to see what happens... this should be interesting