I should have learned by now. I should have learned when Nathaniel was born and I had to work- I am not in control. I should have learned when I found out I was pregnant with Nola WITH an IUD inside of me- I am not in control. I should have learned when Nola was born and I still had to be a working mom- I am not in control. And yet I still become hopeful.
Last week I hired a nanny, told my other interviews "No thanks, I've found someone". This is wonderful we are set on the right track for the school year. This same week I interviewed for a 2nd grade position, in Rowan County with much earlier school hours allowing me to be home around 3:30 instead of 5:30!!! And two days later they offer me the job... I should have known it was all too good to be true. I am not in control.
The nanny decides she can't do the payment we had discussed, she is no longer interested. I call the nanny that I liked, and had let go, but she feel awkward that I didn't hire her and now wanted to hire her. Then she finds another job anyways. My principal won't release me from my 30 days notice. Proper work etiquette in the school system is giving a 30 days notice. I go back to the previous nanny that we hired and call her to talk about working the three days instead of four days a week, however the truth comes out that she is nervous about telling her current family she is really quitting. We get a 8 THOUSAND dollar hospital bill from Nathaniel's surgery before our insurance... when it rains it pours. Let's hope our insurance covers more of that 8000 than less...
I really should learn. I should just have no expectations. I mean, why plan for my kids. BECAUSE I have to! What always amazes me is that the Lord knew all of these events were going to take place in my life before I was born. He knew. He knew. It makes me angry and peaceful at the same time. If he knew then everything must be okay at some point, I just need to be patient. OR if he knew, why is he torturing me!?!
I am not in control.